so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
