I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
