He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
