come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
