Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
