You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
