Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
