This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
