we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
