So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
