Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
