Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she told me i tasted like america
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
