i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think my vagina is haunted
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
