So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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