Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I will be naked everywhere
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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