I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
