ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
