I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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