Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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