he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
