I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The best revenge is premature balding
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
