I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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