i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
