I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
