I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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