My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Randomize
