Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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