thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
