If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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