come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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