I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
