Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
