Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
