My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize