Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
