margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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