Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
