walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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