first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
