Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
