I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
