So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
