A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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