i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize