just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need to sanitize my soul.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
