I am spending my child support on dildos
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
