I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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