I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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