HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
