I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
