I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
