bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize