I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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