Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
