onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
