Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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