my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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