There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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