I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
