The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
