You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize