If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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