Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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