five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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