We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
