just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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