I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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