we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
