i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize