I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
