They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
