why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Found the puke drawer
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think people are normalizing furries
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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