any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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