I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
