there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
