Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize