he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
