Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
