1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
