i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
