i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
