the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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