Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
