It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
