sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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