I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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