I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
