If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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