you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
