Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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