the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
