ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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