I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize