this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
