My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
