i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
