I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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