dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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