My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just pee around me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
