my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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