dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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