I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
