We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
