Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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