its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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