Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
