all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
