my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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