Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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