yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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