paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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