Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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