OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The air was thick with penises
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
