Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
