So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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