guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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