so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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