I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
