Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
this will be a night to untag.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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