I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
