The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
