My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
whose parrot is this?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
