So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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